Few years elapsed without a post and it is time for the following:
Why?
Because once again, I'm not the driver of my life.
There is covid around and spreading, disregarding the borders, the nationalities, the religions, the age ... Scientists are doing their best, researching and looking for solutions that could be used in future vaccines and improving the current ones, we - ordinary people without scientific background - are perplexed. We don't understand the jargon, thus relying on media ...
... and we fear, mostly for the future of our loved ones. Will they be able to survive should I meet the virus and eventually will die?
Well, they will ... and why do I know and write this post?
I felt similar fear when I was diagnosed with non-hodkin lymphoma.at the age of 48. At that time we were living abroad so I ended up going through the chemotherapy without the regular everyday support from my friends and broader family. They were visiting occasionally and I am grateful for that, yet going through the treatment was up to me. Of course I worried for the future of our youngest child, then eleven years old.
I survived.
Recovery wasn't easy, I underestimated the influence of the treatment. I didn't expect I will be thirty years older after half a year of the chemotherapy ...
I was diagnosed eighteen years ago.
Eighteen is the age of maturity and I'm ready to "let go" my experience this year. I can't wipe it out from my brain. I can just accept that it happened and had some consequences that changed my possibilities in later life.
Within those eighteen years I've learned a lot - about myself, about psychology, about solitude, about emotions, that can make or break relationships if exaggerated and unfinished ... continuously improving my understanding of English and German, languages I had the chance to learn when living in Germany and England.
I'm glad I live.
That means I can write this post, hoping to calm at least someone, who worries now for the future of the loved ones. My fear was real and my life was postponed for a while, but my family needed to live their lives independently of what I was going through.
The life does not wait.
Now is the time for me to let go and see what happens.
Do you have a story to share? Please share it, I'd love to hear/read it.
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